It was a normal day like any other, bustling with life. me and my brother were walking home and talking to each other about what we had done through out the day. We were about to turn a corner when all of a sudden a huge flash came from where we were about to turn into. When our eyes had adjusted to the sudden overdose of light, we went to see what had made the light ,wonce we’d turn the corner we saw massive balls of green flames fallig out of the sky towards the ground.
While we were looking at the ones in front of us, people around us started screaming and shouting about the other balls of green flames that had completely covered the sky in fire. At that instance I looked up to see that a ball was above us, I grabbed my brother and ran to the closest building.
http://www.wallsonline.net/green-city-dystopia-future-urban-science-fiction-skyscapes/
May 2, 2013 at 9:51 am
Good opening on the story. It paints a picture of a city that was very ordinary and then something unusual happened. Big green fireballs in the sky. It can be improved by painting a picture of where the city is and what the city looks like. All in all a good start.
May 2, 2013 at 9:53 am
Adam I like the way you have describe the light and the picture is going to be a very hard describe to do but I can see what the dystopia story will be like, also you have to add some verbs and adverbs to say how fast or slow it is going. You should add a big descriptive of the picture by having a big earthquake.